


Burns

by obitoforpresident (Bibixblocksberg)



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anbu Hatake Kakashi, Blood and Injury, Death, Hallucinations, Hatake Kakashi Needs a Hug, Heavy Angst, M/M, Mental Instability, Uchiha Shisui Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-15
Updated: 2020-10-15
Packaged: 2021-03-08 20:34:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,758
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27022843
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bibixblocksberg/pseuds/obitoforpresident
Summary: A mission, a panic attack & an important decision.
Relationships: Hatake Kakashi/Uchiha Shisui
Comments: 2
Kudos: 50





	Burns

**Author's Note:**

> **TW's/CW's:** mentions of blood, hallucinations, mental instability, a nice touch of insanity, mentions of child death - death in general and dubious missions.
> 
> _Please, read this at your own risk & mind the tags._

The sky was a dark shade of grey as Kakashi Hatake made his way through the barren forest of Yuki no Kuni. The clouds on the sky weren’t in the typical white color Kakashi knew from home, instead they were a deep black. It felt almost as if they tried to suck all his surroundings in, as if they wanted to erase all last signs of living. 

The ground was covered in snow – a high contrast of white to the darkness above, but Kakashi didn’t dare to look beneath his feet. His eyes were already tired, and he wasn’t in the mood to make himself go blind. 

Kakashi was looking at his hands instead, a dangerous thing to do if one was leaping through the trees in high speed, but he couldn’t avert his gaze. His hands were coated thick in red colors, his skin itching uncomfortably in the places it already dried and he knew, that if he turned around, he would see the path he had run painted in blood. 

_It wasn’t his own. It never was._

Shisui Uchiha was silent beside him, a burning pit of chakra so bright and clear and _warm_ that Kakashi wished he could vanish inside of it. He wanted to reach out with his hands, wanted to beg the other man to burn the blood from his hands and soul. 

But a quick glance to the side told Kakashi that Shisui had a hard time keeping upright himself. The Uchiha’s face was filled with guilt and anger and pain and Kakashi wasn’t brave enough to address him. 

_He never was._

With things being as they are, there was nothing else left for Kakashi as to focus on his own heartbeat – it was too fast, it was always too fast – and on the chakra in his feet, which pushed him on and on through trees which looked like skeletons and a landscape already belonging to the dead. 

The sky above grew even darker, endless depths of grey and black and a curse slipped from Kakashi’s lips as it began to snow. It didn’t need long until he couldn’t even see his own hands anymore, no matter how blood-soaked they were, and his breathing was loud in his ears. 

There weren’t many senses left – he couldn’t see, he couldn’t smell anything besides the damp wetness of his uniform and there wasn’t another taste in the air than his own sweat and the bitter tang of blood. 

He could still feel, but it was a sad attempt to calm himself. He couldn’t feel much more than the pounding pain behind his ribs, the scratching of his fingernails on the exposed skin on his hands and his feet which only were getting heavier with every step he took. 

They had to get out of this forest, out of this snowstorm and he had to get rid of the blood on his skin. He didn’t want to see any more blood in his life and he just – 

A loud crash – the snapping of tree branches under too much weight, a dull sound as something heavy was hitting the snow beneath him – was startling Kakashi from his racing thoughts. He shielded his eyes against the blinding white color to the best of his abilities and he looked down, his heart freezing like the air around him as he saw Shisui lying on the forest floor. 

Kakashi was not moving a muscle, perched on his tree branch like a raven, as his eyes were roaming over Shisui’s unmoving form. The Uchiha’s messy brown curls were framing his head like a halo, and there was red – red – red dripping from under his eyelashes. 

The blood painted Shisui’s cheeks in beautiful patterns, making him look almost ethereal and like a god from long forgotten times and Kakashi wanted to trace those fine lines with his fingertips. Kakashi had seen enough blood in his life, but here and now, on Shisui’s doll-like features the sight of red made his heart skip a beat. 

Kakashi never claimed to be sane. 

His eyes were looking upwards again, his face getting kissed by the cool snowflakes which were immediately melting as they hit his skin. 

_”Kakashi –“_

Ice was laying itself around his heart. He knew this voice, could feel it vibrating through the deepest parts of his soul, but it couldn’t be her. Not here, not now, not when he was somewhere deep in the forest of Yuki no Kuni. 

Slowly, Kakashi turned his head to the side and his heart burst into a thousand pieces as he saw her face. Clear skin, freckles to count on her nose and cheekbones, purple markings painted over chubby cheeks. His breathing got ragged – why now?

Wasn’t it enough that she haunted him in the depth of the night when he was lying awake in his cold bed and drank too much sake? Wasn’t it enough that she watched him night and night again for years when he was sitting in front of his bathtub and tried to scrub her blood from his hands?

And why was she talking now? Why did she begin talking now and not when he needed her to do it the most? Why didn’t she talk to him after her funeral as he was kneeling in front of her grave trying to end his pitiful self?

“Rin,” he whispered, his blood-soaked hands reaching out in a desperate attempt to touch her, to feel if she was real – 

_”You have to help him, Kakashi. You can help him. Don’t lose yourself.”_

Her voice was soft, sliding over his mind and soul like a velvety blanket and Kakashi could feel the insanity slowly slipping away. She smiled at him like she always did, beautiful and caring and a little bit crooked, and his heart was slowly setting itself together again. 

It wasn’t a whole heart, there were scars and bumps and darkness, but it was there. Kakashi knew she was right, knew that he can help his comrade lying on the snow-covered forest floor, and tears were mixing with melted snow on his cheeks. 

“Will I see you again?”

“I’ll be here as long as you need me.”

Kakashi took a last glance at the gentle face of his teammate before jumping down from the tree branch. He crouched down beside Shisui, his stiff fingers searching for a pulse on the other’s wrists. With his sanity halfway intact again the bloody patterns on his face didn’t look beautiful anymore and with careful movements Kakashi wiped them away with the hem of his shirt. 

Air left his lungs in a rush as he finally felt a beating pulse – it was faint but steady and that was enough. Snow was still falling heavily from the dark sky and it already laid itself over his comrade like a blanket. 

“Shisui?” Kakashi’s voice wasn’t more than a whisper, his fingers sliding down the other man’s wrist to the palm of his hand. 

He had never held the hand of another person who wasn’t his dad. But that wasn’t true – he had, he had held the hand of his best friend as he was dying, but he wouldn’t go there. He didn’t need another breakdown in this cursed forest. Not when enemies could still lurk behind every corner. 

He gripped Shisui’s hand tighter, praying to whatever god will hear him, that Shisui would just wake up. Screams were filling Kakashi’s mind again, images of splattering blood painting walls and walkways filled with lifeless bodies. He shook his head, daring those thoughts to fill his mind again. 

A featherlight touch on the palm of his hand grounded him. 

“Sorry, Kashi.”

Shisui’s voice was rough, raspy from inhaling too much smoke and it broke through the silence of the forest like a lightning blade. But he was alive, he was breathing and looking at Kakashi with big brown eyes crusted with blood and that had to be enough for now. 

Kakashi was looking around them, scanning their surroundings for a glimmer of his long dead friend, but she was nowhere to be seen. She was never there when Kakashi was searching for her. He didn’t want to think about what that could mean, _what it could say about him._

“I’ll find a shelter for the night.”

His voice was just another whisper, filling the air around them like the howling of the wind which was steadily getting louder and he didn’t know if Shisui heard him. He didn’t nod, didn’t gave him the slightest twitch of a finger and the exhaustion was pouring out of him in waves. 

Why didn’t Kakashi notice the exhaustion of his comrade sooner? He was the captain of their two-men-squad. It was his task to notice every change in the behavior of his comrades, it was his duty to protect them, no matter if it was from enemies or themselves. 

But now wasn’t the time to question his own abilities. He had to get Shisui out of the cold, had to check him for further injuries. Kakashi was exhausted himself, his body only functioning because he just swallowed the last batch of his solder pills and his stubborn, desperate will to protect his teammate. 

He lost enough of them already and no matter how nice it sounded to just lie down beside the brown-haired man and let sleep claim him he knew he wouldn’t go through with it. He was a fucking coward and Shisui didn’t deserve death. 

Kakashi has to stay alive for another few hours – because Shisui was still breathing and burning hot chakra was still flooding the veins under pale cold skin. And maybe he could give Kakashi another reason to live, even if he would never outright ask for it. 

Sometimes Kakashi wished that one of those fucking ANBU missions would kill him already, but his opponents never were strong enough. 

A wet cough brought his attention back to his comrade and worry filled Kakashi’s chest as he saw sweat building on the other’s forehead. He cursed under his breath, checking Shisui’s pulse again – still faint, but there – and he slung the Uchiha over his shoulder. 

He set up into the trees again, the wind howling around him and freezing air crawling over every inch of skin it could reach. His body was going numb, his sense of touch getting weaker by the minute, but he had endured worse. 

Kakashi made his way through the depth of the forest until he reached the mountain range. The wind was getting stronger, tugging on his clothes and skin as he climbed higher onto the mountain. His fingers were stiff as he finally found the entrance of a cave, in the endless grey blur of stone. 

He checked the cave for possible residents and after he found none, he laid Shisui down in the middle of it. He saved their shelter with various seals he learned from his sensei years ago, back when Kakashi was still young and arrogant, but nothing less sad. 

He had to paint the seals with his blood, his ration of ink laying somewhere back in the village they just eliminated, and shudders were raking through his exhausted body as screams were once again filling his ears. He shook his head for clarity and focused back on his task. 

Kakashi started a little fire with branches he had found in the back of the cave and he sincerely hoped that the owner of this little cave wouldn’t come back soon. He knew that his seals would stand firm but in this part of the world one couldn’t be careful enough. Especially as an ANBU and Kakashi knew about his Bingo Book entries – he couldn’t just walk through enemy territory without a care in the world. He had to be careful everywhere he went, had to be prepared for the worst to come. 

It wasn’t an easy life, but it was the only life he would get. At least he hoped so. 

Shisui was shivering, even with the fire burning beside him and Kakashi sighed as he realized that he would have to undress the other man. Their clothes were wet and clammy, and he wouldn’t want Shisui to get pneumonia. 

Carefully, Kakashi peeled Shisui’s clothes off after searching for his sleeping bag in one of his storage scrolls. He tucked his comrade in, shed his own soaked clothes and laid them in front of the fire. He didn’t even hesitate as he climbed into the sleeping bag and pressed his body against Shisui’s. 

It was a common enough occurrence for shinobi to share body heat on missions like this and Kakashi simply ignored the longing of his body as he caught a glimpse of lean muscles and smooth tanned skin. He pulled the still unconscious Uchiha tighter against his chest, one of his arms wrapped around the other’s waist and before he could do more than blink – he crashed.

___

Low murmurs were waking Kakashi up and automatically he grabbed a kunai and was holding it against a throat.

“It’s me, senpai.”

Kakashi blinked and counted to ten to calm his furiously beating heart. _It was just Shisui._ He stared into deep brown eyes, which usually sparkled like rays of sunshine on the surface of the ocean, but right now there was nothing – just endless nothingness and tears gathered at the corners. 

“Sorry,” Kakashi murmured, his comrade only shrugging in response.

Shisui was holding the loose ends of the sleeping bag in a death grip, his knuckles turning white from the pressure and Kakashi could see the tension in his shoulders. As Shisui began to slowly rock back and forth, Kakashi immediately knew that the Uchiha was drifting into a panic attack. 

Shisui was losing himself and Kakashi couldn’t do anything else than to watch with bated breath. 

“We killed them, Kashi,” Shisui whispered, his eyes wide open and Kakashi caught a quick glimmer of red around the iris. 

“I know.”

Shisui sat back on his heels, his naked skin glistening in the light of the fire.

“We killed them all. I killed children, Kakashi. _Children._ ”

Tears were spilling from beautiful brown eyes and Kakashi could feel himself go numb again. It wasn’t fair – people like Shisui shouldn’t have that much blood on their hands. Shisui shouldn’t have to kill innocents, shouldn’t have to live with blood-soaked hands from people who deserved to live and to love and to reach their goals in life – 

But it had been a mission, a mission from the village they both have sworn to protect and to serve. A shinobi will never decline a mission. 

But Kakashi had wanted to – not on his behalf, but on Shisui’s. Kakashi’s hands were already soaked to the bone from innocents’ blood, but the Uchiha’s were not. He was new to the rough life of an ANBU and Kakashi had wanted to protect him. But the stubborn Uchiha hadn’t seen it, and had told Danzo that he would do it, that he would serve his village no matter the cost and Kakashi couldn’t do anything more than to silently stand by. 

And now, Shisui was sitting before him looking lost and so unbelievable sad that it broke Kakashi’s heart. He crawled to his comrade, his hands cupping tear-stained cheeks and then he kissed him. Shisui whimpered under his touch, his own cold hands burying themselves in Kakashi’s silver hair. 

Their lips were pressed together for what felt like eternity and Kakashi didn’t want Shisui to go. The warmth of the Uchiha’s lips was soothing the edges around his heart, was brushing over the scars on his soul and lighting up the darkness in his head. 

But the need to breathe was stronger, both of them gasping as they separated and Kakashi knew that he’ll never let the other man go again. He would follow Shisui to the depth of hell, would burn down the world at his side if it meant to be able to hold his hand forever. 

Their fingers were still intertwined as they looked at each other, Shisui’s brown eyes roaming over Kakashi’s face. 

“Come with me,” Shisui whispered, his lips brushing over Kakashi’s again.

From the corner of his eye he could see _her_ , a soft smile playing on her lips as she watched them. Kakashi knew what he had to do, knew that this time he would make the right decision. His forehead was lying against Shisui’s as he leaned forward again, the air between them thickened by unspoken promises. 

“As you wish.”


End file.
